vamanda

Hello, where do i begin. I started fighting with my 13 year old daughter, this week. she has her head filled with going to live with her dad. she had a myspace page on her computer and it was very bad. she just broke up with her boyfriend and there was a few choice words on there that were bad… i understood the situation and overlooked it.. her dad on the other hand threw a fit…he took her laptop and her phone. now keep in mind when she is bad for me and i need to take these things i only keep them for a day and they are turned off. we then talk  and she get’s them back. her dad took them this week and has been using them. listening to messages, reading emails, and he took over the myspace page..  he told off all her friends that called and wrote.. he drives truck and is out for 2 weeks at a time. so those 2 weeks were hell for me… he had her convinced if she lived with him she would have them back sooner. we talked and fought and yelled and cried and even screamed.. but what ended it all was a trip school clothes shopping. i stepped back and left her pick out anything (with reason) she wanted. books pens bookbag clothes, and all. i had this planned before all this started. her dad clames her on taxes one year and he buys school clothes. i clame her on taxes the next and i buy school clothes. well this year is my turn. i spent 1000 on the two girls.

by the end of the trip at 3:00 in the morning, we were laughing and for the first time in a week actually talking.. i reminded her about the time i took her things and how i turned them off. i respected her privacy, i asked if she thought her dad would respect her privacy if she lived with him. she said no… i am glad we are on the same page now… as far as the dead kitten, we took two older cats the kids found in the yard to the spca. she fell in love with a kitten there. i named him raskel because he is into everything…  as far as the man in my life, some things have changed and some just piss me off. (sorry ) i got aproved for a 70000 dollar loan and i am looking for a house. he keeps flipflopping one day he wants the loan in both names and wants to be a part of it and then the next day he say why don’t you just get a bigger trailer here in the park.. (why don’t you just) me alone! …… i took over the job of dishes  here so hayle (13) could focus on cheerleading and school work this year. i now put my kids first, before him and i think he sees that.i can tell he doesn’t like it. i started wearing makeup and caring about my self, he doesn’t like that eather.  we haven’t had sex in weeks and hell i don’t think he has really looked at me eather. i have lost 15 pounds,  everyone at work has noticed and has said something. NOT  HIM!!! well i will let you in on a little secret a friend (male friend) at work keeps texting and e-mailing me, alot. he is married but he is having trouble too. i guess we are each others sound board…soto speek.  

i am drifting away from this man in my life and getting to know my kids. what to do about a larger place i don’t know. i   

Well confused sums it up in one word… Well, i guess i really should explain. I started dating this guy, and he seams very nice. He would give me his shirt off his back for almost anyone. But, “there is always a but” he has fears and problems. He gets scared in walmart, for example.. he can’t go to a grosery store, theater, or heaven for bid if he had to go to the doctors office. He hates meetings, lectors, or even holidays at my family’s house.  He lives with his parents and pays no bills. I live in a little 12×60 two bedroom trailer, with both my girls 8 and 13. He and his family call a wedding, a “funeral”. His parents got divorced when he was nine and now live together. It is her house and he dwells there. she makes the rules, and everyone follows them… He comes over and will stay the night (never in the mood for sex) but he has to call or go home every day. At there house on there frig. is a magnet that says “home is where mom is.”  I have feelings for him and my kids tolerate him. he says “he doesn’t want to step in as a father, because, he doesn’t want to step on my ex’s toes..”  well i guess i could understand that with my older daughter, she goes to her dad’s house everyother weekend. but my younger daughter has no dad. she knows he died. i guess what i am so confused with is what do i do? before her dad died we did everything together, and now i am with him but i feel so alone. i could say i am single. i miss the companionship, the team work, and the friendship. he died 4 years ago and i have been seeing this guy for two years. i guess i thought he would grow up, change or step up to the plate.. I have talked to him about this and getting a bigger house. all he says is i’m trying. He also says he has given up so much that he can’t handle giving up any more.. when he says that he means the time away from home, the time away from his family. WHAT DO I DO? part of me wants to move on but the other part says i am a fat pig and i will never find someone else……. I am tired of being alone!   what do i do?

about 3 weeks ago my kids found a kitten in the yard. it  was not old enough to be away from it’s mother. out in the street in front of the house we saw the mother got hit by a car. we took this kitten in and feed it with a baby bottle. it was just starting to eat cat food when my 8 year old moved the couch and dropped it on him. we all cried and had a feunnal for him as we put him to rest… my daughter cried her self to sleep. what do i say? what do i do? how do i deal with this loss? i can’t yell at her,and i can’t punnish her. how do i help her get over this??   

what a day,,, it has so many meanings. we hear that and think the worst.. why??? well my what a day, started yesterday or was it the day before, working nights messes me up so… I work 12 hours standing in the same spot, on concreat. I do this because the pay is good and i am a single mom that has a full plate.. i guess we all have had a full plate at one time or another.

    well i lost 8 pounds this week. I stopped drinking soda, and started watching and writing down what i eat. I have even started doing exercise, like moving at work and loading my own skids of boxes. I would find excuses why i couldn’t do them in the past, but now i know i must do them by my self. i normally work 3 day on then 2 days off and 2 days on then 3 days off, it is a 2 week schedual. This week i am working for a lady, so i am pushing my self to work 5 days in a row… i sleep during the day and work all night. for the last 3 1/2 days i have had a total of 8 hours sleep.

        I keep pushing do you know what started this all. we went to knobles grove amusment park on the 4th of july for my company’s picnic. We do prizes and raffles at this picnic. I made a full size quilt to enter in as a prize. The company took my picture  with the quilt and posted it for all to see. i looked FAT, i am FAT, i feel FAT. Well that was not all i took the kids through out the park and i went to get on a ride and the man said i was very large and he moved me so i wouldn’t tip the ride……………. I wanted to cry!!! i kept it together long enough to get off the ride and go to the bathroom, i lost it!!!!! i hid the pain from my kids. I have been hiding the pain from my kids for a long time. well “what a day” i now am trying to change my way of life and my kids see that. I got fresh green apples at the house now. my 8 year old loves them. she hugged me for the apple to day, that was the first time she has hugged me in a long time. she looked up at me and said with her shy blue eyes,”i can almost get my hands together”. I looked down at her and said soon baby soon…………..         

Hello, does some one have a website for me? I am looking for information on storing fresh fruits and vegs. With my bisy schedual i only get to the grosery store once a month. when i buy many fruits and vegs by the end of the month they are rotten and have to be tossed! is there a way to freeze these things so they can be thawed and be fresh?

well, i think today has been so much better than yesterday. little stress. my daughter started summer school, the bus came right to the house and picked her up,. i ate a good lunch and a good supper. got my grass mowed, did excercising. changed the cat litter. washed the car and vacuumed the whole house. good day. this site has helped so much! I want to thank everyone that has been so nice and helpful to me since i started, Thanks…. 

Hello, i had a day. I started out early, with a doctor appointment. Things went well. Then i had an eye appointment, the doctor yelled at me for not using my fake tears. (I had my eyes lasered 1 month ago, so now i have 20/20 vision). I stopped at McDonalds for lunch, (and ate healthy with a chicken sandwich, no fries.) locked my keys in the car. I had to call for help.

   Then when i got home the kids cooked lunch by them selves, WHAT A MESS!!   noodles, hot dogs, chips, peanut butter, chocolate, popcorn, pizza crust, and ice cream every where. after yelling and cleaning and yelling and some more cleaning. I went out to mow the grass, the lawnmower was out of gas. I ran to the gas station to fill the can,(which felt like i took out a small loan for.) filled the tank and it would not start. I pulled and pulled the cord, finally i said I QUIT! I went back inside. To find 3 calls on the answering machine, all from my brother (who recked his new car) he is ok only a broken arm, and  the car is totalled. but at that point i started laughting then crying. i cried my self to sleep for a  3 hour nap. I woke up and made  a quiet supper. both girls curled up with me on the couch to watch a movie tonight. It was a good end to a stressfull day.      

Today was good, I cut back on my food intake, I cut back on my soda intake and increased my exercise. I went swimming for the first time in five years, it was great! I am having a trouble giving up the soda for water. I can say I had a full day, I am tired, and ready for bed.   

I have a lot of stress in my life and when i am stressed i eat and eat and eat. Mostly pasta 1 to 2 lbs per sitting with thick sauce. I have found if i don’t have pasta in the house i eat everything  randomly, like i can’t get satisfied. How do i get over this?   I mean i know it is the need for will power, but do you have ideas how i can get over this? I am some what new to dieting, i am tired of living like this. FAT, TIRED ALL THE TIME, AND TOTALLY STRESSED OUT!!!! It is like a cycle, i find my self restricted because i am fat, and tired all the time, so i get stressed out. I then eat to feel good, which makes me fat and the cycle repeats it self……..HELP!!!!!!     

started slow,  watched  the amout of food i ate at one sitting. we took a 20 minute walk today.